that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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