He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I have peed in a lot of sinks
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
