I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
