She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize