Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
