the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
