We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
