you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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