I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize