Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
