Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
