Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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