Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
