what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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