i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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