I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
