mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
