I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
