overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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