Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
