at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm way too hungover for life right now
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
