Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
