i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
