I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
