I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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