The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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