I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
