I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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