Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
