her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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