My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
