does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
