I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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