You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
