She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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