don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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