sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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