I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I look better un-naked...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize