If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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