Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
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