I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Rumble strips road head = magical
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
