I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
