It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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