I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
