I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize