I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Duck Duck Cougar?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
