my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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