i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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