The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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