I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
