Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
