OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize