Where did you get a picture of my penis
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
