I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
