i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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