i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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