just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
