Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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