Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
