i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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