if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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