Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
