Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
