i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
