he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
