seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
