Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
