we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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