let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
