...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
