ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
