I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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