her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize