I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
