You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
