I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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